Two Men and a Baby
|Season = 4 |Antagonist = Ares , Discord |Setting = Greece |In-Universe Date = Year 2 |Production # = V0123 |Filming Dates = 4 April to 14 April 1997 |Original Air-Date = |Written By = Kevin Sorbo & John Hudock |Story By = |Teleplay By = |Directed By = Chris Graves |Order in Series = 65 of 111 |Order in Season = 6 of 22 |Order in Franchise= 121 of 304 |Prev Episode in Series = "Stranger in a Strange World" |Next Episode in Series = "Prodigal Sister" |Prev Episode in Franchise = "Gabrielle's Hope" |Next Episode in Franchise = "The Debt" |title cap image = }} Summary Nemesis is carrying a baby while being chased by guards on horses. She loses them at the river, but the baby floats down stream and she cannot find him. She takes a horse and goes after it. Hercules is fishing, but catches the baby. Nemesis comes by, but Iolaus is not too thrilled to see her. She tells them that the baby is Evander and that Hercules is the father. Hercules and Nemesis go to have a little talk while Iolaus plays with Evander. He teaches Evander how to fish. Hercules and Iolaus go fishing and Evander decides to have some fun. He "throws" little rocks at them, leaving them arguing. They talk about how Hercules feels about Nemesis and Evander. He still loves her. Nemesis leaves Evander to stay with Hercules. They find him on the ground and the horse gone. Evander cries and they try to figure out why. Ares and Discord are talking about his new castle that she got for him. The guards show up saying they cannot find Nemesis and the baby. Ares sends Discord to go with the guards...after a little flirting. Nemesis is having problems when Discord pops by. Discord demands to know where the baby is, but Nemesis will not tell her. The guards show up and capture Nemesis. Hercules is carrying Evander on his back with Iolaus making goofball faces at the child...and floating off the ground. Everytime he tries to get Hercules to see, Hercules turns around and Iolaus falls. Hercules does not believe it when Iolaus tells him that he thinks that Evander is doing it. "Evander, will you please stop floating Uncle Iolaus?" Nemesis and Discord have a little talk while surrounded by guards in a village. The guards and villagers think that Nemesis is crazy because they cannot see Discord. Discord is mad at her because she had the right to kill people and Nemesis took her job. Hercules, Iolaus, as well as Evander arrive just in time to see Nemesis tied to a stake and about to be burned. Evander floats a thug. Discord gets a torch and burns Nemesis, but Hercules saves her. That night, Nemesis says she trusts him, but that she lied. Ares is Evander's father. Hercules is not happy that she lied. She says that she does not want to be a god anymore because they do not love. Evander burps up a fire ball, which proves that he has some god-like powers. They plan to save the baby from Ares, who plans to turn the child to evil. Ares tries to convince Discord that Evander will one day be able to kill Hercules, but she wants to kill him, but she cannot because a god cannot kill a god. Since Evander is a half-god, he can. She thinks that the baby is Hercules'. Hercules changes Evander while Iolaus and Nemesis talk. She is sorry that she hurt Hercules. Hercules and Evander go for a walk and run into Ares. He wants the baby but Hercules will not give him to him. Nemesis and Iolaus are hanging over a cliff by a rope that Discord set up. Discord finds out that Evander is Ares' son and does this eye thing that snaps some of the rope. Hercules gives Evander to the gods and saves his friends. Discord is carrying the baby but cannot disappear because he is not a full god. Ares creats a horse for Discord to ride back to the castle. The good guys follow the horse tracks. Discord is giving Evander a bath. She is mad that her lover boy Ares slept with Nemesis and decides to drown the baby, but Ares saves him. Meniscos, the head guard, gets mad and preaches to the other guards how he hates this job. Ares hears this and makes Evander (who is dressed like a little warlord) float him. Discord shows up and runs away with the baby. She runs to the top of the wall of the castle and drops Evander, but Hercules catches him. Discord and Nemesis fight. Evander sees the women fighting and levitates a big rock that hits Discord, he then floats to his mom. Ares and Hercules fight while Iolaus floats while fighting bad guys. Ares gives up on the child and leaves. Hercules and Nemesis say their good-byes. Hercules then says some good fatherly words to Evander. Disclaimer "No fire-belching, levitating, neo-natal sons of a god were harmed during the production of this motion picture." Gallery File:Meniskos.jpg|Miniskos tracks Evander and Nemesis File:Two men 01.jpg|Hercules and Nemesis watch Iolaus teach Evander how to fish File:Two men 02.jpg|Ares and Discord in the Halls of War File:Discord two men.jpg|Discord tracks down Nemesis File:Two men 03.jpg|Hercules and Evander File:Two men 04.jpg|Sneaking into the Halls of War File:Two men 05.jpg|Hercules and Nemesis share a moment File:Evanderbaby.jpg|Evander File:Herculesevander.jpg|Hercules and Evander Background Information * First appearance of the Halls of War, Ares's castle in Greece. Later episodes ("Armageddon Now Part 2", "Porkules") indicate it is close to Corinth. The name, meanwhile, is never spoken during the episode or the series, but comes from XWP's "Sacrifice: Part 1". * First appearance of Discord on . This is her second appearance overall and the first in which she has a major role, as her first appearance was limited to a short dialogue. * In order for Nemesis' lie about Evander being Hercules' son to be believed, it must've been at least nine months since "The Enforcer" (presuming, of course, that Hercules and Nemesis had not seen each other since then). * Kimberley Joseph takes over the role of Nemesis from Teresa Hill. * Iolaus expresses surprise over finding a baby in a basket in a river. This is a nod to the story of Moses. * Discord complains that she would never get a chance to be goddess of retribution like Nemesis was. However, she would be allowed to try out for that position in "Takes One to Know One" on XWP. * The title of this episode is a play on words of the 1987 film, Three Men and a Baby. * The role of Evander is played by two baby girls. * This episode was held over from season three. 24 episodes were produced for season three but only 22 were aired. Memorable Quotations "We're a lot alike, Evander. My father's a god and my mother is mortal, just like your parents. Unfortunately, our fathers aren’t that reliable, hmm. But our mothers are wonderful. She'll never lie to you. She'll always do what's best for you. She's your mother. And as long as I'm around, no one is gonna hurt you. I promise." "How touching to know my beloved brother is looking out for my son. Well, we have a lot of bonding to catch up on. I'll take him now." "I don't think so." "I’m his father. You can’t deny me." "Watch me. I won't let you take away his chance to be a good man." "Good? What good is a good man? He has a shot at GREATNESS!" "You don't care about your son." "Oh, I care in my own way. You see, Evander fully grown will become your worst nightmare – yours and all those good men you care so much about." "I will not give him to you." :–'Hercules' and Ares "Why don't we simplify? I'll kill Hercules. I'm a God, I've got the goods." "As much as I admire your - goods - I'm afraid it won't work. You see, one God cannot kill another. And I don't even wanna think about the penalty. Unfortunately Zeus has extended the rule to protect my mongrel half-god brother as well." "So how's a baby mortal gonna do the job?" "Well, that's just it. He's not all mortal. You see, like my brother, the baby has some godly blood as well. And the 'don't kill' rule doesn't apply if the one doing the killing is not a full god." "I get it, I get it! He's Hercules' son! You'll use his own son to kill him! Oh, you're so bad." "And don't you dare deviate from my plan." "You're telling a deviant not to deviate. And that's not fair." :–Discord and Ares : "Who said cows give milk? No way. You have to take it." "You're a wreck." "Yeah? You should see the cow." :–'Iolaus' and Hercules "Hey, Evander. I'll be back to see you every chance I get. And before you know it, I'll be teaching you how to wrestle and throw the discus. You don't know it now, but one day, you'll realize you're different. And you'll wanna be like everyone else, but you never will be. You're special. You're very special. And that means you can make a difference. It's not an easy life to live, but I'll be around to help. I will always be there for you. Always." :–'Hercules' Nemesis: "I feel so ashamed. You're the one person I trust completely, and I lied to you. You're not Evander's father." Hercules: "Then who is?" Nemesis: "Ares." Hercules: "My brother?" Nemesis: "I am so sorry." Hercules: "If I said, 'I understand,' I'd be lying to you. I don’t. Why would you get involved with Ares?" Nemesis: "Ares came to me. He promised I could be a god again if I gave him a son. I was afraid of being mortal – not knowing what to expect. I was weak and foolish. I believed him."" Hercules: "Ares never kept a promise in his never-ending life." Nemesis: "But, I'm glad he didn't. It would've been a big mistake. I don't want to be one of them any longer. Uh, the gods laugh, and they play, but I don't know one who feels real joy. They have more than enough passion, but do you know one who really loves? Would I love my little Evander the same if I didn’t have this mortal heart? I like my life the way it is now." Hercules: "But why would Ares be after Evander? He cares nothing for any of his children." Nemesis: "Evander inherited some qualities from his father."" (Evander belches a fire-ball) Hercules: "Whoa. What have you been feeding this kid?" "I should've known, Ares has thousands of children. Why are you so special? Didn't tell me you were his... That he'd been with her - Nemesis! He'll go back too - like they all do. And she'll never refuse him - not as long as he's got you. But if he didn't have you... I've heard a mortal can drown in only a dipper of water. And a baby would take a lot less." "An ocean wouldn't be enough. He's my son! You don't want to try me." "And you don't want to underestimate me." :–Discord and Ares : (Discord attempts to teleport with Evander but fails) "Well?" Something's wrong!" (Sighs) "The child was not a full god. You're going to have to travel on foot while you're holding him. Oh, what am I saying? Take a horse!" (clicks his fingers and a horse appears) :–Ares and Discord : (Evander telekinetically hits Iolaus with a rock) Iolaus: "Ow! What did you do that for?!" Hercules: "Do what?" Iolaus: "Shush! You're scaring the fish." (Evander telekinetically hits Hercules with a rock) Hercules: "What are you doing?" Iolaus: "Fishing." Hercules: "Very funny. Now cut it out." Iolaus: "I didn't do anything. Anyway, you started it." Hercules: "If you didn't do anything, how could I start it?" Iolaus: "I didn't do anything!" Hercules: "You did to!" Iolaus: "I did not!" Hercules: "Did to!" Iolaus: "Did not!" (Evander begins to cry) Hercules: "Now, look what you’ve done!" Iolaus: "I didn't do anything!" Nemesis: (entering) "What happened?" Hercules and Iolaus: "Nothing." Nemesis: (picks up Evander) "Is him hungry? Hmm? Hungry little man? We'll be back." Hercules and Iolaus: "Bye." (Nemesis and Evander exit) Hercules': "Did to." Iolaus: "Did not." Hercules: "Stupid way to fish anyway." Iolaus: "Mmm-nyah-nyah-nyah." "It never fails. Ares handpicks a general for his service. A general with a record scratched in blood. A superb tactitian. A miltary genius. But as soon as he feels the hand of Ares - as soon as he is called into Ares' personal service - he becomes a boob! It's happened to others, and now it has happened to me. I wish I were back in the field. How I would welcome an afternoon of pillage. This is so degrading!" "Unhappy with your commission, Meniskos?" "I was... just explaining how a mortal soldier compares poorly to the brilliance of a god of war!" :–Ares and Meniskos "You can keep the brat! He's not worth the aggravation. He's too much like you. But I'll be seeing you again, Brother." "Every time you turn around, Brother." :–'Ares' and Hercules Links and References Guest Stars * Kevin Smith as Ares * Kimberley Joseph as Nemesis Other Cast * Meighan Desmond as Discord * Alistair Browning as Meniskos * Rachel Ackerly as Evander * Rose Schicker as Evander References * Zeus * Alcmene Season Navigation de:Zwei Männer und ein Baby Category:HTLJ Season 4 episodes Category:Episodes Featuring Ares